You writing says a lot about you

Don't believe me? Just ask Lindsay Lohan. Earlier this month the too-oft mentioned actress took it upon herself to express her condolences to the family of the late director Robert Altman.

Lohan didn't run her lengthy, meandering statement through anyone before it was distributed, and that is a real shame because the statement teaches us something about Lohan that people have long suspected. Clearly, she's not, like, a terribly smart person, OK?

There are so many things wrong with the statement that I don't even know where to begin. I wanted to share this as an example to us all about the importance of good writing.

Lohan's statement in all its nonsensical glory:

"I would like to send my condolences out to Catherine Altman, Robert Altmans wife, as well as all of his immediate family, close friends, co-workers, and all of his inner circle.

"I feel as if I've just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches.

"If not only my heart but the heart of Mr. Altman's wife and family and many fellow actors/artists that admire him for his work and love him for making people laugh whenever and however he could..

"Robert altman made dreams possible for many independent aspiring filmmakers, as well as creating roles for countless actors.

"I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career.

"I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years.

"The point is, he made a difference.

"He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do.

"So every day when you wake up.

"Look in the mirror and thank god for every second you have and cherish all moments.

"The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious.

"Please just take each moment day by day and consider yourself lucky to breathe and feel at all and smile. Be thankful.

"Life comes once, doesn't 'keep coming back' and we all take such advantage of what we have.

"When we shouldn't..... '

"Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) -everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come.

"If I can do anything for those who are in a very hard time right now, as I'm one of them with hearing this news, please take advantage of the fact that I'm just a phone call away.

God Bless, peace and love always.

Thank You,

"BE ADEQUITE"

Lindsay Lohan


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If Lohan had sought professional copywriting help, her sentiments could easily have been turned into good prose. I'll prove it.

Her statement (revised and abridged)

I would like to extend my condolences to Catherine Altman and to the immediate family, close friends and co-workers of the late, great Robert Altman.

I feel as if I've just had the wind knocked out of me, and my heart aches.

All of us who loved him, including many of my fellow actors and artists, admired him for his work and loved him for making people laugh whenever and however he could.

Robert Altman made dreams possible for many aspiring independent filmmakers, and he created roles for countless actors.

I consider myself truly blessed to have worked with Robert Altman on "Prairie Home Companion" alongside so many great talents. The opporunity to work with him represented a turning point in my career, one for which I will be eternally grateful.

I learned so much from Robert Altman. He was the closest thing to a father and a grandfather that I have had in several years.

Put simply, he made a difference. He was a shining example to us all that you truly can achieve anything if you work hard and believe in yourself.

Every day when you wake up, look in the mirror and thank God for each and every second you have. Cherish all moments. Put aside the fighting, the anger and the drama. Take time to appreciate the life you have. Be thankful. This life only comes once. We should never forget that.

Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves. As Robert Altman once said, "Every time there's a triumph, a million souls have to be trampled on." So true. Treasure each triumph as they come.

If I can do anything for those who are struggling with this sad news, as I am, please know that I am just a phone call away. God bless.

With much love,

Lindsay Lohan

Walking through a firestorm without getting burned

It is bound to happen. You communicate with business professionals every day and, sooner or later, you are going to say or write something is misconstrued. If you're lucky, the readers will exercise calm. We live in the real world, though, so you're more likely to get your fair share of what we like to call hate mail.

If and when you find yourself in the hotseat, here are a few things to remember.

Take a Deep Breath
Breathe! It's so tempting to fire back when the firestorm is searing your eyebrows but DO NOT give in to Hate. That leads to the Dark Side! Remain calm. If you have a pet or child, ask for hugs. If you have a shoulder to cry on, seek it now. Take time to gather your thoughts.

Circle the Wagons
Now you're calm. It's time to remember - hey, I have friends! I don't have to put up with this! Seek out a pal to offer words of support. Start to formulate your response. Also, if the firestorm affects others, give them fair warning.

Remember - honesty is the best policy
Don't believe me? Two words - Dick Nixon. Enough said, right?

Charm, Then Disarm
Never scream at your attackers. Too soon you'll learn they enjoy it. Better to charm, then disarm. Taking the high ground is always preferable to wallowing in the mud. Yes, mud can feel good for a bit, and heaven knows we can sling it with the best of them, but in the end you'll feel better -- and come across as more professional -- if you calm, then disarm. Be brief in your response. Be factual. Be HONEST. And be as straightforward as you can in addressing each accusation.

This has been a rather long-winded lesson, but when the firestorm comes after you, you'll be glad for this cool breeze of knowledge. Good luck, my friends. Battle stations!

Avoid unnecessary words

It's always a good idea to cut down on unnecessary words that can clog our sentences and kill our best attempts at clear communication.

Here is an example of unnecessary words or phrases from a document that was sent for my review this week (names are excluded here to protect the not-so innocent):

online websites
As opposed to those offline websites? There is no need to use online here.

Another excellent way to trim unnecessary words is to beware acronyms that are misused. Here is a list of acronyms to which we often add a word that is already contained in the last letter of the acronym.

ACT test
The "T" stands for test, silly!

ATM machine
The 'M' in ATM stands for machine, so this is redundant. Just say ATM.

More examples:
CAD design
CNN news network
HTML language
PIN number
RAM memory
UPC code